J. J. White

 

Farmer Jones was a good man who lived just outside a small seaport village in New England. Like all New England farmers, he was honest and hard working. Of course, everyone knows New England farmers are the best of all farmers.

But Farmer Jones just couldn’t stay still.

Like other farmers, he rose early, plowed his fields, and planted his vegetables. When the harvest season arrived, he and his family picked the vegetables for market. The other farmers were very tired after working that hard, but not Farmer Jones. He was always doing something because he couldn’t stay still.

Mrs. Jones was happy her husband worked so hard. He finished all his farm work faster than other farmers. But when he was done, he would not rest. He was always moving, always fidgeting.

At night he fidgeted so much that poor Mrs. Jones could not get any sleep. Farmer Jones tossed and turned and fussed and bothered and rolled and bounced all night. Mrs. Jones became so tired, she finally asked Dr. Mandroot to stop by the farm and check Farmer Jones to see why he couldn’t stay still.

When Doctor Mandroot arrived, Farmer Jones was washing his cows. When he finished washing his cows, Farmer Jones waxed them. When the cows were nice and shiny, he made wooden signs with the name of each cow on it and hung them around each cow’s neck. Then Farmer Jones looked for something else to do.

Dr. Mandroot sat Farmer Jones down long enough to examine him. After the examination, he spoke to poor, tired Mrs. Jones.

“I have seen this before, in animals, Mrs. Jones,” the doctor said, putting his instruments into his black bag, “but never in a human. He has unendious fussyitous, an inability to stay still. I’ve only seen it cured once, and that was on a horse, not a man. In order to cure Farmer Jones we will have to stop all of his fidgeting. The only way that can be done is to sit on him until he is very still.”

So the doctor and Mrs. Jones placed Farmer Jones on a small bed of hay and sat on him. Farmer Jones’ feet kept moving, so Mrs. Jones had her son and daughter sit on his legs. When his feet, hands, and head continued to move, Mrs. Jones asked a farmhand to go into the village and ask for help.

Soon after, like all good New Englanders, the people of the village left their work to climb the steep road to Farmer Jones’ farm to help their neighbor. Each villager climbed over the next and sat on the shoulders of one another until a great pyramid of fine hard working villagers grew high atop poor Farmer Jones. So high, in fact, that they rose above the roof of the barn.

On top of Farmer Jones were the baker, the mayor, the alderman, farriers, fishermen, maids, the librarian, farmers, captains, first mates, shopkeepers, bankers, bartenders, Mr. Wilson, Mr. Wilson’s wife, Mr. Wilson’s children, Mr. Wilson’s dog, Spike, teachers, students, Mary Walker, bricklayers, masons, Sandra Watson, the spinster Miss Mills, carriage men and many others.

The pyramid stood a hundred feet high.

Then the very last person left in the village climbed the mountain of people. Little Virginia Williams stepped over arms and legs all the way to the top of the people pyramid, where she sat on Mr. Lampkin’s shoulder, placed her hands on top of his bald head, and then, everything went very quiet. No one made a sound.

Down at the very bottom of the pile, Dr. Mandroot shouted up to little Virginia, “Can you feel anything, Virginia?” 

It was a very quiet moment, and then Virginia yelled out, “He’s still moving.”

Everyone groaned and slowly climbed down one another, and returned to the village.

“I don’t understand,” said the good doctor. “It worked on the horse. “ Mrs. Jones, if he can’t be cured, I can only suggest that you use his disease to your advantage.”

So later that night, Dr. Mandroot helped Mrs. Jones hook four butter churns to Farmer Jones while he lay in bed.  The churns were tied to his arms and legs, and as Farmer Jones tossed and turned and fussed and bothered and rolled and bounced, he also churned butter. He churned so much butter the pretty waxed cows had trouble supplying enough milk.

 Mrs. Jones was thrilled. She sold every bit of butter in the market and the Jones family became very wealthy. But Farmer Jones was bored.  His farming work all finished, and tubs and tubs of butter churned, he decided to buy a boat and work as a fisherman, because he just couldn’t stay still.

He was a great fisherman! He caught more fish than all the other captains. He’d cast his pole and catch fish after fish. When he caught one fish, he’d bait another hook and catch more fish.

He caught codfish, catfish, redfish, grouper, pike, carp, dogfish, blowfish, angelfish, mahi-mahi, shrimp, Lobster, starfish, guppies, dolphins, tuna, shark, surgeonfish, snapper, goatfish, triggerfish, butterfly fish, parrotfish and even the Hawaiian fish, humuhumunukunukuapuaa.

Farmer Jones sold all his fish, and gave the money to his wife, making them richer still, but he was bored again and couldn’t stay still.

As he walked home trying to think of something else he could work on, the mayor stopped to talk to him.

“Farmer Jones,” the mayor said, “since you have so much energy and can’t stay still, I wondered if you could remove all those large rocks from the farmer’s plowed land, and build a stone fence around the village hall?”

Farmer Jones smiled at the mayor and agreed to start work right away.

And he did. He built a stone wall four feet high all the way around the village hall. But because he couldn’t stay still he kept building more and more wall. First around the village park and then the police station, fire station, livery, stable, bakery, dry goods store, fish pond, butcher’s shop, auditorium, library, courthouse, ice cream shop, drug store, hardware store, feed shop, marina, dog kennel, and the barbershop.

He stood back to admire his work, as all good New Englanders do, and then, because he couldn’t stay still, he continued building the wall out into the countryside where the farms were. He built up the wall around the Blue’s farm, Rose’s farm, Green’s farm, Black’s farm, Brown’s farm, his farm, and right up to the Williams’ farm where little Virginia Williams saw poor Farmer Jones working so hard, and looking so thirsty. Virginia asked her mother and father if it would be all right to take some tea to Farmer Jones.

“Oh what a lovely idea,” Mrs. Williams said, and she, her husband and Virginia did just that. Virginia walked up and tapped Farmer Jones on the shoulder to get his attention.           Because he was so busy building the wall, he didn’t notice the Williams’ family behind him with a table, four chairs and tea service.

“Would you like some tea, Mr. Jones?” Virginia asked.

Farmer Jones looked at his wall and then at Virginia and said, “Why yes, thank you very much.”

And Farmer Jones sat down at the table with Virginia for tea. When he took a sip of tea, something amazing happened. Farmer Jones, who couldn’t stay still, sat perfectly still. His hands were still, his head was still, his feet and legs were still. Even his eyelids were still.

Mr. and Mrs. Williams were so excited to see Farmer Jones sitting perfectly still that they jumped up and ran to the village to tell everyone of the miracle. Soon the whole village surrounded Farmer Jones and watched him sip tea and sit perfectly still.

Dr. Mandroot stepped up to the table to address Farmer Jones.

“Farmer Jones, is it the tea that calmed you down and allowed you to sit perfectly still?”

Farmer Jones placed the tea on the table and said, “Oh yes. Tea always calms me down.”

The doctor, now completely flabbergasted asked, “Well sir, why didn’t you tell us that in the first place?”

Farmer Jones stood up from the table, perfectly still, and replied. “No one ever asked me.”

Well—after that, everyone was happy.

Mrs. Jones was especially happy, because whenever Farmer Jones couldn’t stay still, she made him a spot of that wonderful New England tea, because everyone knows the best tea is made in New England.

And every time she did, Farmer Jones stayed perfectly still.

 

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